I'm a couple of days late with the blog this week as I have been attending a 5 day online retreat with Mooji, a teacher that I have recently reconnected back into (see the previous blog for his details). It was titled "A call to Awakening" and involved many opportunities for deep contemplation and a daily live connection with Mooji.
During the 5 days, rather than witnessing, as my ego expected, a deep dive into stillness and connection, I witnessed the distraction and fidgeting of my being. Yes, I had moments of stillness, of inner reflection and deep connection but the majority of my retreat was spent distracting myself from this inner journey. My ego was dented for a minute or 2 and then the relief spread over me......NO JUDGEMENT, just an acceptance of where I am in my journey at this particular time in my life and that it's all ok.
The reason I wanted to share this is because I feel it can be so easy to beat ourselves up for not being "good enough" on our Spiritual journey or in our Spiritual practices. We are so conditioned in our life to try and strive and this can then reflect into our own self development practices. Placing pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, wanting a particular outcome and through that, placing expectations on our practices and on ourself.
Many years ago I was meditating and a voice boomed in from the Universe and said "You are trying to be what you already are". It had to boom so I would hear it as I was so stuck in trying, not being good enough, always placing pressure on myself to do more inner work. Seeing myself as damaged and that I needed to be fixed. This came back to me whilst on the retreat and I saw that the trying was in direct conflict with the natural expressive, expansive energy of the Universe that wants to shine out through me. The trying was contracting and suffocating what is so wanting to move outwards from my inner being.
I feel that this guidance from the Universe applies to all of us, as does the deep patterns of trying that we are so conditioned to perpetuate. This then places an unnecessary pressure on ourselves to achieve. There is nothing to achieve, we are perfect just as we are. Our work is to unravel all the patterns, behaviours, life experiences etc that have led us to believe that we are imperfect, damaged, that there is something wrong with us, and we have to keep trying to make it right.
If this resonates with you, if you can, give yourself a breather. Allow yourself to just be, as you are, nothing to change. This then allows the trying to drop and we can just be with ourselves. We can see the true nature of who we are rather than the constant striving to be someone better, healed, more balanced. The true nature of who we are is all of these things, it's just that these qualities have got a little bit buried under life. Trying perpetuates life in this way whereas being allows this gentle natural flowing journey back to our self, and from there an acceptance of who we are, where we are on our journey and that it's all ok.
To give you this space to just be and not do or try, I have uploaded a 40 minute Sound Bath on YouTube. Give yourself this time to just be and remember, You are trying to be what you already are. Sink into that guidance during the Sound Bath. Enjoy!
Thank You so much for reading this and see you next week.
Bye for now,
Meriel